An Idiot’s HORRORible Movie Review: Klown Kamp Massacre

I have a question for you. What if you really loved Friday the 13th but also loved to make stupid jokes and insert clowns into everything? Oh, and also you had a limited production budget and spent that entirely on gore effects? You would make today’s film KLOWN KAMP MASSACRE.

If you dislike clowns, or crappy dialogue or terrible jokes or bad acting you should probably avoid this movie. I on the other hand think all of these things are what makes a perfect “B” movie and think this was just fine…for what it was.

 

Director: Philip Gunn and David Valdez

Writing:  Philip Gunn and David Valdez

Main Cast:  Jared HerholtzRoss KellyKerri Daube 

IMDB page: Here.

Official Website: Here…sort of.

Official Trailer: Here.

Summary: At the very beginning of this story we are shown a home movie of a series of murders that occurred May 15, 1991 at Bonzo’s Clown Ranch. Bonzo was a washed up TV clown still trying to profit off of his former name. In the first couple of minutes into it we meet Edwin, our killer and lead idiot in this circus of morons.

We cut to Edwin watching Unsolved Clown Murders and a story about the previous massacre. Apparently everything in this movies universe is clown oriented. We get commercials for more clown shows, a fake ICP and best of all rip off Friday the 13th music (changed slightly to avoid Sean S. Cunningham’s lawyers) all the way through this damn thing. All of this happens before we even get the title card up.

From there we discover that they are re-opening Bonzo’s Clown Ranch and meet a couple of the new attendees at a gas station. Vinnie and Lenny are the characters from Of Mice and Men if George was an asshole and they both wore clown makeup for some dumb ass reason. Outside we run into a van load of future murder victims in clown paint and a drunk telling them that Sparkling Lake has a “Death Curse”. Now where have I heard anything like that before?

Anyway we meet a bunch more of these (literal) clowns as they make it to the Ranch for their clown training. Early on people start getting picked off in different and more violent (yet still clown related) ways. Just to cover a lot of this we get in no particular order murder via, car window, hay baler, a man with his throat slit while masturbating (cumming and going!), 2 be-headings, some necrophilia, bear attacks, a bomb in a pie, a Frugo through the chest, a seltzer bottle filled with acid and numerous bad jokes. One of the running gags is a clown name Buzter who is just there to mock all ICP fans (hence Frugo instead of Faygo) and turns out to be a complete pussy.

In the end It comes down to Valerie, Bonzo’s Grand Daughter, trying to keep herself alive after all the precious madness. Unfortunately for her the twist ending sends her over the edge of insanity. The only positive of that is we finally got to see Lloyd Kaufman (Troma’s own) acting the shit out of alcoholic TV star Vick Vickers (Wednesdays at 8!) and making some of the cast look bad in the process.

 

An Idiot’s Opinion: If you like entertaining shlock then this is the film for you. I found most of the movie crappy… but in a good way that a horror flick like this is supposed to be. You never see a movie with this title trying for any awards. The ending I legitimately did not see coming, and that is always a plus. If you like gore, clowns, bad jokes, blood, carnage and Lloyd Kaufman then this is the movie for you. If you have an issue with any of these things then Elizabeth I is on HBO on demand right now and I hear that is good.

 

Please like and share this if you can, or make a comment or two. Thanks all!

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